If you talk about depression to the average person (is there such a thing?), the symptoms that might most likely come to mind would be feeling sad and hopeless, sleeping a lot, gaining weight, and lethargy.
That is not the kind of depression I have. I am depressed, but I am in continuous movement, for the most part. I stay busy – too busy , probably. I work, go to school, work out, take the dog out, sing in the choir, cook meals from whole foods… I read 10 million books at a time while listening to one in the car. Looking at me, most people would never guess that I’m depressed. In fact, I forget myself sometimes.
Except that I really am…I can only really tell, though, when school and work slow down. First, I get sick and/or a migraine. This is my body telling me, “Ok, fine, you don’t want to slow down? Fine. Watch this.”
And then, the depression hits. I can’t read. Nothing interests me. I can’t concentrate on the books I have, I’m not interested in new books. I search for junk that I don’t want or need online, hoping for some retail therapy. I facebook incessantly. And I have watched some 20 episodes of Un Posto al Sole – my Italian soap opera. I have also watched half a dozen movies in the last two weeks, too. This is depression for me.