So, someone asked me again last week, “Are you enjoying your life without a dog?” Someone said it to me very soon after Bodhi died, and I was flabbergasted. I remember thinking, “Uh, no!” It seemed like someone asking me if I was enjoying my “new” car (that I inherited when my dad died). “Uh, no, motherfucker, I’d much prefer to have my dad alive than to have these bomb-ass heated seats.”
But then, when my friend asked me this week, I took a moment to stop and think about it. The fact is, my life is a good deal easier without Bodhi. I mean, I don’t have to think about how many hours I’ve been gone from the house (although I still count) and I don’t have to coordinate my comings and goings with his needs (although I still think about it when I’m stopping in at home for lunch – that used to really drive him batty). I don’t have to think about where the trash is when I leave the house (although I still walk through the place closing doors behind me when I leave) or think about where his bed would fit as I add things to my rooms (although there is still space enough beside the bed and the new, free couch I landed this weekend).
Yup. That’s Bodhi’s ottoman there.
I don’t have to buy fancy fru-fru dog food (although Amazon reminds me every time I logon) or medication (which remain in the cabinet with my vitamins). I don’t have to jump every time a doorbell rings on a show (although I still do) expecting him to erupt in a volley of deafening barks. I don’t really have to keep up the yard because he never liked tall grass (although I do).
I no longer turn to offer him little bits of cut vegetable when I’m making dinner. I don’t have to have worry about him jumping out a third story window because something fascinating is happening in the street. I don’t have to make one last trip outside before going to bed, or make one as soon as I get up in the morning. I no longer awaken to his warm, wet nose on my face, tail wagging, ready for a new adventure.
Is my life simpler now? I guess. Am I enjoying it? Not nearly as much as I would have enjoyed the bomb-ass complications of this dog who loved me exactly as I am, whether I was having a good day or not, whether I felt lazy or energetic, whether I felt like it or not.